Dated – January, 2011
No, this one ain’t about new year resolutions. I need another month..okay, I’ll cut that down to a week..I need another week to figure out what all I want to do this year. How good I want to be..how lazy I want to be or how serious I want to be. The madness won’t cease. I know I’ll still ride extreme highs and extreme lows..like the last year and the one before that and so on. Moderation in any form will never be on any of my lists. 🙂 Or any of yours, if you are around me.
Have I mentioned before how much I like clicking people? I have an ancient cam (yes, they don’t even make it anymore) and everyone who knows me, knows the oldie too. Because they have all been subjected to its overbearing presence. 🙂 I don’t like it when people say ‘Smile!’ and they click. Makes me cringe. And so the collection of funny faces that are my solo pics (as you can see :P).I don’t like clicking leaves and boxes and doors. I guess they do make interesting subjects, but one’s got to have that eye for detail. I probably don’t. I like expressions. I like a subtle smile. I like eyes which talk. I like sun rays and how they light up one’s face. I like you in my pics if you ain’t looking at me. 🙂 I actually think my camera works better if I sometimes talk to it and it generally throws a tantrum when I ignore it for sometime. Now that I have given enough proof of my insanity, I shall stop.
Last weekend was a weekend full of people. After all my rambling about solitude and loneliness, this was as fresh a change as beer after a self-inflicted detox. Ummm..okay don’t think am good at analogies..but you get my point. 🙂 So, you know, these friends who make me feel as warm as ma’s rare hugs…they were here…and although we didn’t do anything apart from chilling (which btw is a very important verb in itself 😉 ), the weekend was spent as idyllic weekends are meant to be spent. Dig out those old jokes…poke some fun about the not-so-cool things we did in college..double over laughing over nonsensical things, just to realise that just maybe some people aren’t getting the point at all and are laughing with you, because u look outright silly…some quiet times..some dazed times..some music and a lot of inebriation..some dirty dancing to sheila ki jawani in good ol’ chennai (yes they played munni too and yes, as always, only the girls were a part of the dirty dancing!)..some of this and some of that. 🙂 Smiles were easy and they reached your eyes. I think smiles which don’t reach one’s eyes are worse off than an ugly frown.
Read somewhere that happiness is what you make yourself. Struck a chord somewhere. The moment you depend, you give away a part of you. As true as that is, the person I am will always be defined by the people I care about. If I have loved you, I have a part of you somewhere in me. A small part of me is the person you wanted me to be. To exist happily just on your own..well, you might as well have lived on Mars then! For me..I shall weave my dreams around you. I shall live my life on my own terms but my happiness will always depend on your presence..in my thoughts and more. 🙂