Sinking In

Dated – 28th September, 2009

Place – Sampoorn Kranti train (somewhere in Bihar)`

I really should stop cribbing. Yes, my seat is such that only my size can fit in. That too, barely. There is an infant sitting next to me whose shrill voice even my ipod can’t drown. There is a lecherous guy sitting in front of me, who is staring away to glory with his beady eyes. And now that I have written all this, I feel better. J I am listening to Iktara. I remember telling someone that there are songs which I put in the genre of ‘travelling songs’. You know, the ones which go along with the rhythm of the train. This is one of them. Cliched but Denver’s ‘Country road, take me home’ also fits the bill perfectly. And so does Annie’s song.

Something about these long journeys alone, that makes me take stock of my life. Not in a very serious where am I headed way. But just, in a lighter ‘I am glad my life is the way it is’ way. J Sam got married. Divs says she almost feels orphaned. So do I. Sri and I still have that deal with Sam about living in her attic. That’s how its always been. She takes care of us. Cooks for us. Spoils us and then gives us an earful for all the mischief that we are perpetually upto. This is what we are used to, what I am used to. There is this comfort which comes with inertia, and its so hard to let go of it. I remember Sam making it a point to meet the guy I was going out with for dinner and asking him to drop me at a decent hour. Poor Gajju dropped me home diligently, well before time. J I still am scared of her. Always will be. I guess it happens when you adore someone so much. Sri was right, not even an MBA can cure that. Probably, I’ll teach my kids better.

So that’s a change. A big one. So big that I can’t even begin to put down in words. It will take a while for this to sink in. Till then, I shall stay in my comfy world where the mental image is still of school days, of phuchkas bought with borrowed money, of bombs in the bathroom, of bunking lectures to sit in the home science room to discuss movies, of getting caught for pranks we did and even those we weren’t a part of, of friends so close that not meeting them for even a day seemed insane. That was almost eight years back, and yet I choose to ignore the years in between and pretend that nothing’s changed.

Moving on, this year was the year of extremes. Extreme happiness, many teary eyed days, some of the best laid plans went awry and then again, life threw in a fair share of pleasant surprises and happy moments. Its comfy to know that the worst days pass eventually and just as scary to realize that happiness is shortlived.

I could write about S, but talking about her would take another post altogether. More about that later. For now, yes life is different. Different from what it was a few months back. In ways good and bad. But that’s always the case. I like it this way. Gives me ample opportunities to crib my heart out. But every night, before I sleep off, I thank my stars that there is something good around. With this thought, I drift off. More later!

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