Trekking for Dummies

Dated – October, 2010

I have been trying to stall time. Trying very hard you know. It has kept me busy. Since I haven’t managed to stall it at all (I mean with technology here there and everywhere, we can’t do this much!), I have been moping. Long face. Zombied look. Refusal to do anything I like to do. See what I am driving at. The blog also stayed dry. Vented my ire by silence. Lesson learned in life – Time spent in whining is time wasted. Change is still the only constant. And as I say this, the sage in me rests in peace.. 🙂

So I had promised someone I’ll write this. This one’s for her and for trekking novices (enthusiasts nonetheless) like me. A little faint hearted. A little wobbly in the face of great heights and great depths. But we never say ‘No’ to adventure. 🙂 I do make ‘us’ sound so good!

• You pack skimpy clothes (read tiny black Esprit shorts) and actually wear it while trekking on rocky hills with prickly shrubs all over. Please add ample incessant rains to the picture. (Note to self – New found belief in God’s existence. He eradicated all leeches with his third eye or so I’d like to believe 🙂 )

• You think you can coolly carry a tent and your backpack and hike up the trail described in the previous point. All at the same time! You might want to rethink your strategy or start looking like Rambo.

• You carry a school bag in the name of a backpack. Or or or..wait for it..a laptop bag which was your company’s first and only gift to you. On both counts, BAD idea! They are not water proof and they have so much space that one’s got to choose between food and change of clothing. Sigh! In monsoon, that might not be the choice you want to make.

• You think you should head back to momma and hot soup 15 minutes into the trek..and again 27 minutes into the trek..and yet again 39 minutes into the trek..with a ‘Don’t think we will live to tell our kids about this trek’ look in your eyes.

• You believe you can walk up a slippery big big rock and you actually do walk up. Just to realize you’re in the wrong direction and you’ve got to walk sideways now. Ummm..okay..stuck are we!

• You also believe that you shall closely watch other people climb up the same slippery big big rock and then follow suit. Just to be stuck somewhere midway..looking like a frog who’s been rudely thrown on a wall with its arms and legs in all directions. You might have noticed that the frog slowly and surely slides down after the throw. 😛

• You are walking in a line (the novice line mind you..the experts are already up there somewhere :P) and suddenly you realize that the leader of the novice line doesn’t know exactly where to go. Now its a bad situation to be in. Because the trail has prickly shrubs and to avoid that you’re bent at a weird angle. Your only view is the a$$ of the novice walking in front of you. So there…you’re an upside down ‘L’ shape in the middle of nowhere…can’t stand up..can’t go forward..can’t go back..can’t turn right..can’t turn left..you’re just there staring at you know what. Small tip – Laughing when stuck in such unmentionable situations is again a BAD idea. Its unavoidable too. 😀
• You have packed food which you think will last the night but end up finishing midway itself. Then you silently thank God (again!) for the rain, because now you can’t pitch for the night. You pretend to complain nonetheless about the rain and how sad it is that you have to have steaming hot food for dinner (slurrrrppp!) instead of bread remnants and wild berries.
• You think that a tent can be pitched ANYWHERE and go ahead with the trek without any knowledge of the terrain. Finally you realize that tents cannot be pitched on rocks at an angle of 60 degrees. You still try bravely. Look up…look down. Few steps here..few steps there. Have a rushed discussion. Then decide morosely that you have to head back to civilization. All the while, you silently thank God (again and again!) and pretend to be sad about the cozy hotel where you’ll be spending the night under a comforter.
• You pack all your clothes in that water-friendly bag of yours and take them for the hike. You ofcourse thought you will need a change of clothes when you stay in that tent in the night…afterall getting drenched was a valid cause for concern. So once you check in to the hotel after the long arduous trek, you realize you have nothing to change into. In such dire situations, you might actually take help from the opposite sex. And that, my friend, from a guy’s point of view might not be such a good idea. 😀

Quoting Murphy yet again – When things have to go wrong, they will go wrong. Then there was this other equally knowledgeable person who said that the best way to learn is by making mistakes. So keep the faith, even if you just nodded in agreement to all the points I made above. Just make sure that when you’re bent at that weird L-shape in a terrain full off prickly shrubs, the ass you’re looking at, is of a buddy who makes you laugh in such moments. And the experts that went ahead somewhere are the friends who come back, give you a hand and tell you “Stop being a sissy! Its safe…lets go!”.